Growing up
by thisloser
Summary: Fill for KakaGai week on tumblr, Kakashi/Gai established reationship, post chapter 699


What Kakashi remembered was going to bed bone-tired after another grueling day at the Anbu. He'd hoped for nothing more than a dreamless sleep, a few hours of not being haunted by their faces, Rin, Obito and sensei all gone, leaving him alone, their blood on his hands because he couldn't save them.

He'd curled up on his bed, pulled the blanket over his head and stared into the darkness, waiting for the nightmares to come for him.

They didn't.

* * *

><p>When he woke up, light was streaming into the room from somewhere. Too bright, making him gasp and shield his eyes.<p>

His _eyes_.

Kakashi blinked in confusion. He was lying on a hard surface that definitely wasn't his bed. Polished wooden floor, dark brown and impeccably clean. He could see it with his two open eyes.

Incredulous, Kakashi touched his left eye with his hand. It felt…normal. When he opened it, there was no pull of chakra, no change to his surroundings. What had happened to his sharingan?

He needed a mirror. He needed to figure out what was going on.

Pushing himself up was harder than it should have been; his limbs were stiff, his body unusually heavy.

_What's wrong with me?_

There was a huge desk in front of him. Kakashi used it as a crutch to hold onto and pull himself on his feet. As soon as he had managed that feat and he was actually standing – albeit with both hands braced on the desk to support his weight – Kakashi quickly scanned the room for clues.

The large wooden desk, two stacks of paperwork towering on top of it, next to them a book and a handful of pens. Everything was bathed in golden sunlight streaming in through the window behind him. Kakashi narrowed his eyes at the shattered glass pane and the view of the Hokage Mountain beyond it.

Looking at it, he instantly realized just where he was: Konohagakure, Sandaime's office. Except… The mountain was all wrong. Kakashi drew in a sharp breath. He squeezed his eyes shut, hoping that when he opened them, he would find the world normal again. He'd wake up in his bed and be grateful that for once his dream had just been weird, not horrifying.

_I'm dreaming,_ he thought, _I have to be._

But when he did finally open them, he found that the disturbing extra faces had not disappeared from the mountain. They were still there, carved into the space next to Minato-sensei, the space that should have been empty, reserved for his successors.

And as if their mere existence wasn't unsettling enough, Kakashi also had to deal with the realization that the last face in the row of Hokage was indubitably…

_Well… That proves this is a dream, right?_

Although… He'd never had this dream before. It wasn't the kind of dream he would have.

_Obito, this is your dream, isn't it? You're making me see your dream…_

His eyes glued to the grave stone version of what was definitely his own face, Kakashi' chest constricted with sadness. He didn't deserve to have this dream, not when Obito and Rin were—-

Something crashed up above.

Kakashi whipped around. Suddenly there was noise everywhere, footsteps outside the door and voices calling. A scream ripped through the air, high-pitched, distorted by agony.

His knees still weak, Kakashi ducked behind the massive desk, pressing his back against the wood and scooting to the corner so he could peek around to keep an eye on the door. One possible point of entry. The broken window was another.

Kakashi grit his teeth. His position was decent but not great. The desk would be a good shield against attackers coming through the door, but he was leaving himself somewhat open towards the window. Well, it couldn't be helped, he decided. If anyone came at him from there, he'd just have to face them head-on. He slipped his hand to his back pocket, feeling around for the weapon pouch he always wore. It was still there, dream or not, he was still himself.

The door flew open with a whoosh of displaced air followed by the wood banging against wood as it hit the wall and ricocheted.

"Hokage-sama!" A woman's voice.

Kunai in hand, Kakashi peered out from behind his cover. He was crouching, ready to attack. But the person in the doorway…

She looked kind of familiar. Dark hair, cut into an unruly bob, intense dark eyes.

Her voice, too. Kakashi felt he'd heard it before or maybe a version of it. His head hurt.

"Kakashi-senpai!"

He flinched when she called his name.

She was out of breath, her eyes scanning the room. She'd seen him, he realized as her expression changed slowly, her eyes widening under furrowed brows.

"Are you injured?" With that she ran to him, no hesitation, no weapons he could see and here he was, sweating, holding his kunai in a white-knuckled death-grip.

She crouched next to him and reached out to touch his arm, lightly, her fingers fanning out against the dark fabric of his sweater. It took all of his resolve not to stab her.

"Who are you?" he asked, his eyes searching her face. Something about looking at her made him feel as if he'd stepped into his apartment to find all his furniture had been rearranged. He _knew _her.

"Senpai?" Her eyes impossibly wide, she whispered his name, "Kakashi?" She swallowed when he didn't react. "You don't know me?"

"I—-" How to put that feeling into words? Her name was on the tip of his tongue, but he couldn't have said it, not if his life had depended on it. At the same time he was afraid of what would happen if he said it. If she said it.

"I'm Shizune."

No, it couldn't be. Shizune. When had she come back?

"Shizune-chan…?" He'd said it automatically, the way Gai always said it. _Shizune-chan_ with that look in his eyes, of longing and hope. Gai and his stupid crush on a girl who'd left the village years ago.

She was staring into his eyes in a disconcerting manner. Her hands came up to bracket his face and he didn't fight. Somehow learning her name, learning who she was, had taken everything out of him.

"Does your head hurt? What do you remember? Do you know your name? Where you are? What's the last thing you remember?"

She was checking for head injuries, he realized. Confused by her flood of questions and distracted by the green glow of healing chakra filling his peripheral vision, Kakashi hesitated. Her smell was in his nostrils, fragrant medical herbs with a hint of sharp disinfectant.

"I know who I am," he said. "Hatake Kakashi, Konoha jounin, registration number 009720."

His reply should have satisfied her, but she was still looking at him with the same worried expression. "And?" she prompted.

"What?"

He could hear people close by, their footsteps unnaturally loud in his ears.

"You really don't remember?" She shook her head and withdrew her hands from his face. "I can't find any injuries."

Kakashi glared at her. "I'm Anbu," he said coldly, knowing that it would shut her up.

"Anbu?" Shizune's eyebrows shot up, the corner of her mouth twitching as if she was about to laugh. "Senpai, you're not in Anbu anymore. You haven't been for years. You're the Sixth Hokage now."

Under his mask, Kakashi could feel his face freeze into a comical expression of shock. His heart was hammering in his chest.

_This is a joke,_ he thought. _It can't be…_

"Everything okay in here?" The voice made Kakashi flinch. _Tenzou!_

He looked up, peering past Shizune and the desk to see the man who'd walked into the room. He was taller than Kakashi remembered, taller but not much broader. Short hair, brown and spiky. It _was _Tenzou, his eyes were the same, but the rest…

He was wearing his Anbu uniform sans mask with a long black coat over it. The difference in attire was minimal, and yet—-

He was _old_. Tenzou was old. And while with Shizune, he'd had a similar feeling, at least in her case he could still tell himself that he hadn't seen her in years. Maybe she'd just grown up a little faster than the rest of them. Tenzou, however…

_I just saw him yesterday and now… It's impossible._

"What's wrong?" Having picked up on the atmosphere in the room, Tenzou hurried closer, his coat billowing behind him. Kakashi could only stare at him as the gravity of his situation slowly began to sink in.

"We've got a problem," Shizune said.

* * *

><p>"The last thing I remember is going to bed. I said that already." After questioning him for a few minutes, they'd urged him to sit down in his office chair. Now, once again, there were questions.<p>

"Yeah, but how old were you then?" For someone who'd turned into an old guy over night Tenzou sounded far too triumphant. "That's the point."

"I'm seventeen," Kakashi said. Instantly, Shizune and old man Tenzou exchanged a look_._

"We should get him to the hospital. I'll send a couple of men with you, just in case," Tenzou said, talking about Kakashi as if he wasn't in the room.

"Okay… I will contact Tsunade-sama as well." Shizune nodded.

"Yes, that's probably best. He's in no state—-" An awkward pause in which Tenzou shuffled his feet. "Ah, you'll be fine, of course, senpai," he added sheepishly with an apologetic look at Kakashi.

_So you finally remembered that I'm right here, huh?_ Kakashi sighed.

"What happened?" he asked. "You were fighting someone. I heard screaming."

"That's not important right now; we've got to get you to the hospital, Hokage-sama. Don't worry, you'll be safe there."

"Tenzou, I'm still your superior. You probably shouldn't patronize me." Kakashi was feeling out of his depth, but he wasn't going to let Tenzou of all people walk all over him. If he wanted to get answers, he knew he had to pull himself together.

Tenzou sighed. "Senpai, you're hurt. You're not yourself right now. I'm head of your personal guard. You have to trust me."

"So you're my bodyguard?" As much as he tried to wrap his head around himself as the Hokage, Kakashi couldn't quite grasp the concept yet.

Tenzou grimaced. "Well, it's more than that. It was your idea anyway; you appointed me."

"Huh, then you really dropped the ball here, didn't you?"

"Oi…"

"Letting the Hokage get attacked and everything," Kakashi drawled.

Ancient or not, Tenzou was still Tenzou.

With grim satisfaction Kakashi watched a flush of agitation spread on Tenzou's formerly pale cheeks.

"Kakashi-senpai! I didn't —-_You _told me to pursue the others! You said you could handle ʻthe small fryʼ on your own! ʻAfter all I am the Hokageʼ is what you said!"

After his outburst Shizune shot Tenzou a pitying look. "We should really get him to the hospital now, taichou," she said mildly.

"A—Ah." Hanging his head, Tenzou put a hand on Kakashi's shoulder. "Let's go, senpai."

He hadn't gotten much information about the attack, but, for now, what little he had learned was better than nothing, Kakashi decided.

* * *

><p><em>Did you hear, there was attack on the Hokage!<em>

_No! When?_

_Just a few hours ago!_

_But wouldn't we have seen or heard something if there was a fight in the Hokage residence?_

_I heard they snuck in. The fight was over within minutes._

_And Hokage-sama?_

_He's at the hospital!_

_No! Kakashi-sama is…? Are you sure?_

_Yes, my cousin is in the Hokage's personal guard! He told me they used a teleportation jutsu to get Tsunade-sama herself back from her vacation! She's here now to take care of him! Who knows, maybe it's so bad she'll have to take up the mantle again!_

At that point Gai dropped his groceries, whipped his wheelchair around and headed to the hospital.

* * *

><p>Gai couldn't believe it. Yes, there had been some attempts lately. There were always idiots, missing nin and nutcases who thought they could make a name for themselves by killing a kage. It was a dangerous position, but Kakashi…<p>

Kakashi was Kakashi. That sentence was cemented in Gai's brain, just like that. Kakashi meant undefeatable – except, of course, by him, Maito Gai! By being himself, Kakashi was, in Gai's mind, forever.

Intellectually, he knew that Kakashi was a man and that as such he wasn't immortal, but he was still… _Kakashi._

_He can't die. He can't be hurt. He's the Hokage. Kakashi…_

Those two gossiping guys at the market had probably got something wrong. They'd heard some rumor and were spreading it without thinking. Gai was worrying for no reason and tonight he'd tell Kakashi and they'd laugh about it together.

He was only going to the hospital to check.

There was no way Kakashi would lose to some assassin.

Was there?

* * *

><p>When the doors of the elevator slid open, revealing Tsunade standing in the hallway with Yamato and Shizune, Gai felt as if his heart had plummeted through the floor into the dark shaft beneath. For a few seconds he just remained where he was. No one was paying him any attention. They were talking to each other in hushed voices. Then the elevator dinged and the doors started to close again.<p>

It gave him the jolt he needed to move forward. Gai rolled out of the elevator and into the hallway just as the others turned to see who had arrived.

"Gai-san!" Unsurprisingly, Yamato was the first to block his path. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to see Kakashi! Is he alright? How bad is it! Tell me!" One of the things Gai hated about being in a wheelchair was that he couldn't tower over Yamato – or anyone else - anymore; instead he had to look up all the time and constantly got cricks in his neck. He was looking up now and not exactly enjoying a view of Yamato's nostril hair.

"He's going to be fine. Probably." Tsunade shook her head in exasperation. "I'm surprised you thought it was necessary to drag me all the way back to Konoha for something like this. Ruined my vacation for nothing… I'm retired; you brats should be able to solve your own problems by now," she grumbled. "Anyway, whatever this is, it's not medical. Not much I can do."

"We're grateful you came, Tsunade-sama."

"Not like you left me much of a choice…"

"What happened? What's wrong with him?" Gai's eyes darted from Tenzou to Tsunade and back again. His mind was flooded with worries and the shards of information he'd gathered, all mixing together into a cocktail of misery. Something was wrong with Kakashi; it wasn't an injury but it was _something_.

"You tell him," Tsunade said, glaring at Yamato.

"Kakashi-senpai seems to be suffering from—- ahh… I guess amnesia is what would describe it best," Yamato said. "Ever since he fought the shinobi who attacked the Hokage residence this afternoon, he hasn't been able to remember anything that happened during the last… twenty years, I think." At least he had the decency to sound apologetic.

_Twenty years…_

Gai tried not to think of all the memories Kakashi had lost. But they flashed before him anyway, all the snapshots of him and Kakashi and—-

They couldn't be gone forever.

They weren't.

"How is that possible? A jutsu?" He stared hard at Yamato, willing the other man to have the answers he so desperately needed.

"We don't know that yet, but we're doing everything to find out." Yamato met his gaze head on. "I've sent a squad to track down the attackers and special unit is examining the corpses of the three we killed as we speak."

"Good," Gai nodded vigorously. "If there's anything I can do—-"

"That's fine. I've sent messengers to Naruto, Sakura and Sai. We'll head out too."

"You're really going to rope in the newlyweds?" Tsunade smirked.

"It's for Kakashi-senpai. Once they hear what happened, I won't be able to hold them back."

"What about Sasuke-kun? You're not taking him?" Her smirk only widened.

Gai had to give it to him; Yamato's face didn't betray any emotion. He merely shrugged and said, "I don't see how he could come; someone has to stay home and watch the baby."

* * *

><p>Kakashi's room was small but bright. He was sitting on the bed, facing the window, his back to Gai.<p>

"Rival!" It was their standard greeting, Gai thought. Even twenty years ago Kakashi had been this much to him; he might not have been more, but at least this. _Eternal rival._ "How are you?"

"They're keeping me here although I'm not—-" Looking at Gai over his shoulder, Kakashi stopped abruptly. There was something about the way he could see Kakashi's jaw tighten under that dark cotton mask that made Gai feel incredibly sad.

He forced himself to swallow the sadness as though it was a bug that had gotten into his mouth and smiled his most youthful smile – although even he knew that it couldn't make him look seventeen again.

"You broke your leg," Kakashi said, his voice flat and bored. His eyes, however, lingered on the cast. He was frowning, wondering why the medics were taking so long to fix it, probably.

Gai thought about the things he could say then, the things he wanted to tell Kakashi. A million things. About his students, the war, opening the eighth gate, the painful and slow recovery, retiring from active field duty – one of the hardest decisions he'd ever had to make, about the long and draining arguments they had during that time, about how one of those arguments had ended… Or maybe about the dinner he was going to cook for Kakashi tonight for the anniversary of their secret relationship. About how he was going to make Kakashi's favorite dish and how he was finally going to give in and agree to make their relationship official –because despite not being proud of how it had started, he was proud of what it had become.

But when he opened his mouth, he was blinded by a bright flash of light. Kakashi's hand had shifted and the thing he was holding had reflected the light from the window right into Gai's eyes. It was a mirror, he realized. A mirror Kakashi was glancing into every few seconds as if he couldn't believe what he saw, as if he had to check if his reflection had finally changed back to something he could recognize as himself.

Seeing the deep crease between Kakashi's eyebrows, seeing the dark look in his eyes, Gai's chest tightened.

In a world where everything was different and alien to Kakashi, Gai understood that at least _he_ had to be the same, something Kakashi could hold on to.

Shoving his feelings aside and steeling himself for whatever was to come, Gai smiled an even wider, brighter smile. "Yeah," he said, flashing Kakashi a thumbs-up, "I broke my leg, but I won't let that slow me down in our next challenge, rival! That's a promise!"

end


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